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The Significance of Wedding Vows
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At the center of any marriage ceremony are the wedding vows.
They are the words spoken by the couple to each other which
express both an intent and a promise. They express how the
couple intend to relate to each other, how they intend to
navigate the path of life together, and what meaning they
intend to give to their marriage. They are a promise to work
hard at living out this intent, no matter how challenging
that may be, because of their love and commitment to each
other.
Because the vows shape the foundation of the marriage, I
believe that they should be carefully chosen so that they
most accurately express what the couple desires to create in
their relationship. While in some situations the vows are
prescribed by religious requirement, where it is possible
the couple should personally select their vows. They should
be real and meaningful to the couple, and be remembered by
the couple as they proceed through life together.
In a personalized wedding ceremony there are usually no
prescribed requirements regarding the vows but there are
questions prescribed by law that need to be answered. This
means that, in addition to answering the legal questions,
the couple may exchange personalized vows which uniquely
express their intent for their marriage.
Wedding vows are also a great resource for understanding
marriage. The words of the vows usually speak about the
meaning and potential of marriage. It is worth reading
through many vows, not only to select the best vow for your
wedding, but also as a way to reflect on marriage and what
it means so that your own relationship can be built on a
strong foundation.
The famous words, "for better, for worse, for richer, for
poorer, in sickness and in health", found in one of the
oldest and most traditional vows, are a beautiful expression
of the couple's intent to be there for each other regardless
of the circumstances. It includes the somewhat archaic word,
"cherish". The literal meaning of the word is "to build up".
So in this vow the intent expressed is that as a result of
this committed relationship, each person will become a
better person because of the love and support of the other.
This reflects a profound aspect of marriage. It is a
relationship which provides the environment and atmosphere
in which each of the partners is able to flourish and
achieve their full potential.
Other vows express the desire to have friendship as the
basis of the marriage. In this understanding the marriage
relationship is a place in which each is respected for who
they are, accepting the differences and encouraging the
individuality. It is an expression of a healthy relationship
which is focused on allowing and encouraging the other to
become who they truly are without restricting them and
without attempting to conform them to the expectations,
desires and preconceptions of the self.
Some vows promise to hold the other in the "highest regard".
This is a wonderful commitment. Among other things, it is a
promise not to speak in a degrading way to your spouse or
about your spouse. It is a promise to avoid sharing with
others, even your close friends, information that would
place your spouse in a negative light. Gossip and complaints
about your husband or wife to friends may seem to be an
innocent subject of conversation, but those are the first
signs of a loss of respect and a moving away from the
tremendous potential of the relationship.
Couples may have the option to write their own vows, to
offer different vows to each other, to adapt vows found in
various resources or to follow written vows which most
closely express what they want to say to each other.
Whatever their choice, it is important that the vows they
choose are a true expression of the way in which they want
to relate to each other on the journey of their shared
lives.
Jonathan Payne is a marriage officer based in Durban,
KwaZulu Natal, South Africa.
In addition to conducting weddings he also provides support,
ideas and advice to couples preparing for marriage through
his website:
http://www.kwazuluweddings.com
Download your free copy of "The Book of Marriage Vows" at
http://www.kwazuluweddings.com
Article Source:
http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jonathan_Payne
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